How Much Crack Can You People Take?
by Autobunny
Summary: 07 movie!verse. Thanks to the pairing generator, we now have these crack!stories. Chapter 11: Ironhide/Bee. The final chapter in this collection, dealing with the birth of their sparkling, the miracle of life, and the WTFness of a certain Prime/? pairing.
1. Nervous

Hah, second story on this site, yay me for getting over procrastination!! Anyway, I got the idea off of another fic that I saw that involves crack!pairings, entitled "Press Button, Recieve Crack" by Kirmon64. Kind of. Sort of. I'd actually found the pairing generator surfing the net for random Transformers stuff, and got the idea to do crack!pairings, but I'd never seen Kirmon64's fic until a few days ago. So, in no way am I stealing her ideas, or anything like that. Any similarities to Kirmon64's stories are purely coincidental, mostly because I'm one of those people who can't usually remember something they've read only once. Gah, now I need to read her fic again. I liked it.

Disclaimer: Nobody is mine, sadly. They all belong to their respective owners (Hasbro, etc.)  
Pairing: Maggie/Xbox360con  
Word: Nervous  
Summary: It's Maggie's first time, and she's very nervous. Xbox360con isn't helping her any bit.  
NOTE: I know that interfacing is usually described as the Cybertronian equivalent of sex, but I'm changing it around a bit. "Interfacing" will be equivalent to mutual masturbation, while "porting" is equivalent to actually entering a person...yeah...I'm gonna stop before I hurt myself.

* * *

"Will you hurry up, meat sack?" The little game station, resting on the coffee table in Glenn's living room, shook in anticipation, waiting for Maggie. 

"Okay, okay, I'm coming," she replied in agitation, grabbing everything she needed before sitting down in from of him. "Are you ready, shorty?"

Xbox360con, although she obviously couldn't see his face, was probably smirking as he chuckled. "Y'sure I shouldn't ask you that instead?"

"C'mon, let's just get this over with."

"What, nervous?" Maggie glared at him.

"Didn't I just say let's get this over with?"

"All right, but don't say I didn't warn ya..."

* * *

Outside, Glenn and Jazz had just returned from picking up some computer parts, hardware, and software, when Jazz picked up an extremely active energy signal from inside, as well as Maggie's personal electric field. "Yo, Glenn, 's Maggie attracted t'the lil' 'Con?" 

"The Xbox? Y'know, I think I caught 'em flirtin' one time..."

"'S yo gramma home?"

"She's at a bingo tournament," the large black man answered, eying the newly-revived Solstice warily. "Why?"

"'Cause if she was, I think she'd have a heart attack when she saw Maggie interfacin' wi' the lil' 'Con."

"Interfacin'?" Glenn asked, obviously confused. Jazz chuckled.

"Sorry. F'got. It's one o' the ways we Cybertronians have sex."

"What!?" Glenn's eyes widened in surprise as he got out of Jazz; said eyes were quickly flicking back and forth between the house and Jazz. "Y'mean he...a-an Maggie--"

Now Jazz was laughing outright. "Nah, nah, not like that. It's when we press our sparks together. Her eart's probably like a substitute spark."

"But, but," Glenn sputtered weakly. "But how do ya know? Y'sure your not misreadin' signals?"

"I'm sure. He's energized, she's energized, they're both anxious, she's nervous, an' besides--"

"YES!! OH GOD, YES!!" Maggie's cry of ecstasy broke through the air, coming out of the open window in the living room at the front of the house.

"...there's also that."

Glenn, who was now in shock thanks to what he had thought that Maggie had done, nodded slowly, staring in shock at the curtain-covered window. "So, uh," he began, recovering a little. "Wanna make this computer at the base?"

"Yeah, that'd be good...give them some privacy..."

* * *

Had Maggie been paying any attention to her surroundings, she woul've heard a car speeding away from the house. However, she was busy dancing around the room, cheering, while Xbox360con was busy fuming, fidgeting with the controller cable he had just removed from his person. "I beat an Xbox, I beat an Xbox, I beat an Xbox--"

"Shut up."

"--at Halo threeeeee, at Halo threeeeeee--"

"Shut. Up." Maggie stopped dancing, but she didn't stop grinning. In fact, said grin widened as she stepped over to the 'Con, leaning over as she did so. Xbox360con stopped fidgeting, stared, then forced himself to look up at her face.

Laughing, she lightly poked him on the nose. "I beat you at Halo, and it was my first time," she said softly in a sing-song voice.

"Hmph. The only reason you beat me was because you distracted me with your...revealing choice of attire, Maggie."

"Oh, don't lie, Xbox. You weren't even looking at me, you were so concentrated on the t.v."

"Bah, beginners luck, then." He pouted and looked away, making Maggie giggle.

"Wanna prove it?" Those three words made Xbox look back at her, one optic ridge raised, before he smirked. "Wanna raise the stakes?"

"All right. If I win, you have to let me color you pink, and you have to stay pink for a month."

"And if I win...?"

"Then I'll interface with you."

"...Then prepare for the beating of your life. CheatcodesareallowedGO!"

* * *

I dunno. That felt kind of rushed to me...

Little side note, the first "Transformers" thing that I ever saw was "Beast Wars" every morning before school (I was born in 1990). I'd never even heard of the G1 Transformers, or even considered the fact that there were "Transformers" comics. So really, I've only seen "Beast Wars" and "Armada". I didn't even bother watching the last season with that guy named Kicker 'cause I thought it looked stupid...kinda wish I had watched it, though...ah well. I'll make up for it by watching the latest "Transformers" incarnation that Cartoon Network is planning to run. That's good enough. So, with that in mind, if I bring in characters from G1 and I completely screw them up, I'm sorry, I only know them from fics I've read, so feel free to tell me what I've done wrong and how I can fix it.

Constructive criticism is always accepted. Flames shall be ragged on. Pie shall be eaten. Monetary donations are always accepted. As are Best Buy gift cards.

Clicky the button. You KNOW you want to!!...right??


	2. Takeover and Annoyance

Wow, three reviews already for my first chapter. However, compared to the views my first chapter got, I'm kind of sad. 165 hits and only 3 reviews? Is it really that hard to review? Is it?

#sigh# Anyway, here's chapter two of the crack!Fic, this chapter being about Ironhide and Barricade. OH! Before I forget, there's gonna be an OC in the chapter. Quick overview: her name's Raziel Witwicky, Sam's younger cousin by half a year. Her hair's dark, dark brown, styled a la Harry Potter in the first movie. She's got one green eye and one blue eye, her skin is kind of pale, she's 5' 4" but is an extremely talented acrobat and gamer. Her guardian is Barricade (semi-guarded by Frenzy, but he's mostly her best friend), she doesn't really get along with her mom (mom wishes she was girly), and if you touch her stash of Ramen, you'll wish you had made out your will.

She's someone I made up for the TransformersVerse. No real back story behind her; just pretend she was there the whole time.

Disclaimer: I don't own anybody but Raziel and her parents, if they ever show up.  
Pairing: Ironhide/Barricade  
Word(s): Takeover, Annoyance  
Summary: Barricade's annoyed. Ironhide's oblivious. Raziel and Frenzy play with explosives. As Frenzy might say, "Oh shit!"

"..." Talking  
"/.../" Cybertronian

* * *

Barricade didn't usually get annoyed. Usually, like Soundwave, he kept his cool, leaving other mechs to get annoyed. However, since this was Earth, not Cybertron, he figured that his luck was different, and thus, he became easily annoyed. 

First, he couldn't scare the location of the glasses out of Sam, which was indeed annoying. Then, he got thrashed by the last sparkling. That in itself was embarrasing and annoying. The he had to fix Frenzy, which proved to be difficult and, with Frenzy chittering angrily at him, extremely annoying. However, the thing that really got his gears going was possibly the most annoying the in the universe--well, to him, mind you--and it didn't seem to be in lieu of leaving any time soon.

Ironhide, his bond mate, was obsessed with making Earth weapons, whether currently real or currently fantasy.

It had started out innocently enough: Ironhide would spend time in the weapons room, tinkering with various parts and making simpler weapons, them come out after a few hours and sped time with everyone else, finally ending the day with a session of love making that Barricade swore was going to send him permanently offline one of these days with a smile on his face. However, the obsession quickly grew. Soon he was spending more and more time with the weapons and less and less time with everyone else. Their interfacing and porting, which once were wondrous, quickly became docile and boring, and then stopped all together.

That was when weapons of all shapes and sizes began coming into their chambers. They slowly ate away at Barricade's patience, until he one day came back from playing with Annabelle and discovered that their recharge berth had become covered with weapons.

Those weapons, those innocent weapons that had yet to actually do anything, made Barricade snap.

!#$()&

THIS SECTION HAS BEEN CENSORED DUE TO HEAVY SWEARING AND LOADS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST INNOCENT ROCKS IN THE DESERT. PRIMUS REST THEIR SOULS.

!#$()&

"Ironhide!!" The bellow that came from Barricade's mouth echoed throughout the base, surprising one spastic Cassetticon and one explosive-happy human enough to put more than one drop of the green liquid into the orange liquid, causing a mini-explosion. The human blinked; the Cassetticon stared; then they looked at each other, the human smirking and the Cassette snickering.

"Wanna see whate happens when we mix red and green, Frenzy?"

"Yeahyeahyeah!!"

!#$()&

"Ironhide!!" Barricade shouted as he stomped into the room that was dubbed "Ironhide's Workshop". Ironhide didn't even glance up as he entered; that just annoyed Barricade even more. "Ironhide, why are there guns on our recharge birth!?" he yelled. Barricade exuded the equivalent of a sigh as he tapped his foot up and down in annoyance, waiting for Ironhide to answer him. When there was no response after a few moments, Barricade growled, stomped over to Ironhide, and then bellowed in his ear "IRONHIDE!!"

"Gyeeah!" The invasion of his auditory receptors startled the bigger mech. He through the weapon he had been working on in the air, caught it, fumbled with it, then held it against his chest. What the fraggin' hell was that for!?" he yelled, his bright blue optics glaring at Barricade.

Barricade huffed. "It was the only way I could get your attention. I need to talk to you."

"Can it wait? I'm almost done here."

"That's what I need to talk to you about. You're work on these weapons has become obsessive, Ironhide. You used to work on them for a little bit, and then rest of the time would be spent outside of this room." His tone became sad as his gaze softened, never leaving his mate's face. "Now you spend all your time in this room; you never come out except to eat and sleep. Everyone's worried about you, 'Hide. Frag, even Frenzy's worried about you."

"Well if you're all so worried, then why haven't any of you done anything about it?"

"We have. You've just brushed us all off, or gotten violent."

"Barricade, you've got nothing to worry about. These weapons haven't taken over my life."

"Yes, they have." Now Barricade was getting annoyed again; for supposedly being smart, his mate sure could be stupid! "Ironhide, they've taken over your workshop, your thoughts, and now that they've come into our room, they've taken over our recharge birth! So don't tell me they haven't taken over your life!"

"Woah woah waoh! Calm down, 'Cade!" Ironhide rose from his seat, setting the weapon down as he drew the smaller mech into his arms. "I get your point. How's this sound: I finish up this weapon here, and then you and I go do whatever you want to do, 'kay?" And without waiting for a "yes" or "no", Ironhide placed a gentle kiss on Barricade's head and went back to work, not paying attention to his mate's slouching form dragging itself out of the room, or the sad tone Barricade's voice took as he said "That's what you said the last time I tried,", nor did he even bother to notice his signal quickly heading towards the desert.

!#$()&

ONCE AGAIN, THIS SCENE HAS BEEN CENSORED DUE TO SENSELESS VIOLENCE AGAINST INNOCENT ROCKS, AS WELL AS HEAVY SWEARING. AT THIS RATE, THERE'S GONNA BE QUITE A FEW LAWSUITS AGAINST ME BECAUSE OF BARRICADE. PRIMUS FRAGGIT.

!#$()&

When Barricade came back later that night, he noticed that the only two that were up were Frenzy and Raziel. That wasn't surprising, seeing as there were cans of Mountain Dew littered about, probably thanks to Dispenser the Dewcon (did he have an endless supply of cans or something? Barricade made a mental note to ask Ratchet about that later). The two were currently jumping about, their feet moving at a blinding speed as they did Heavy mode on DDR (when they actually went to bed, they would wake up later with a headache for Raziel and processors only able to comprehend information byte by byte for Frenzy, but would then repeat the process later, much to the amazement of every mech but Jazz and Bee). "No matter how many times I see it, I still can't believe that you two insist on doing this."

"Ohthisisnothing," Raziel replied, her eyes never leaving the t.v. "OnetimeSamandIwereabletostayawakeforalmostaweeklivingonlyonMountainDewRamenandvariousotherreallycaffinateddrinks. Wewerereallysickafterwardsbutthatwasthemostfundwe'dhadallyear! Frenzylooklooklookwe'realmostperfect!!" Frenzy replied in a happy babble of Cybertronian as the song came to its end.

Barricade watched as they got their scores (perfect, but then again, that was to be expected with the reaction times they possessed), celebrated, then switched off the power to their pads and walked over to him. Well, actually is was more like run over their faster than one should, but that's beside the point. "/SoBarricade, whatseemstobetroublingyou?/"

"/Yeahyeahyeah, what'swrong 'Cade-'Cade? 'Hide-'Hide beingmeanagain?/"

Barricade sighed, sitting down and allowing Frenzy and Raziel to sit on his legs. "Yes, Ironhide's being a frag-headed son-of-a-glitch, as usual. No matter what we do, nothing seems to be able to drive him away from his weapons."

"Awwwww, don'tworryBarricade. Whydon'twejustgoandmakesomechemicalexplosions? Thatmakesusfeelbetter; mightworkforyoutoo."

"Yeahyeahyeah/explosionsaregreat, especiallywhenthey'rereallyreallybigandloud!/" Both human and mech looked up at him with such earnest expressions that Barricade could do nothing but hug them.

"Thank you, both of you, but I don't think...that..." A devious smile crept on to his face, and he pulled the two away, looking at them as they sat in his hands. "How would you two like to make some coffee money?..."

!#$()&

Every morning, Barricade knew that Ironhide would take a cube of Energon and watch the sunrise. Barricade had timed how long this took when Ironhide though he was still in recharge, so it was no surprise when Barricade hear "Second to None" blasting through the halls and a certain human femme rapping along with it at the time when Ironhide would start to walk down the halls, nor did it surprise him when the music shut off, dual cries of "No!" and "Oh shit!" slipped through the door, as well as a bellow of rage, and then an explosion that surprised him when there were no alarms set off.

Taking that as his cure, Barricade climbed off of the berth, then walked over to the door. 'Here we go.' Opening the door, he stuck his head out, pretending he had rushed to the door. "What the slag happened here!?" he bellowed, looking from side to side (he noticed that the door to the workshop was open, and there were scorch marks on the walls, as well as shrapnel from the destroyed weapons littering the room and part of the hall. The fact that he was able to keep from celebrating amazed him). He saw Frenzy and Raziel running back in the direction they had apparently come from, yelling at the top of their lungs "OHPRIMUSHE'SGONNAKILLUS!!" A second later, Ironhide barreled past Barricade, his cannons out.

"GET BACK HERE AN' TAKE WHAT'S--gack!" His tirade was stopped when Barricade grabbed him in a choke hold, struggling to keep him down. "Barricade!! Let me go!!"

"No! For once, their explosions did some good!"

"Good!? GOOD!? YOU CALL BLOWING UP ALL OF MY WEAPONS GOO!?"

"I told you yesterday, they were taking over your life!"

"You don't understand, 'Cade!! Those weapons were extremely important to me!!"

"More important than me?" Barricade asked the question in a low, pained voice. It made Ironhide stop struggling and relax, allowing the former 'Con to release him and get up.

Barricade looked down at Ironhide, never breaking eye contact as the black mech rose up."'Cade, nothing's more important than you, you know that, but--"

"But what, Ironhide? I'm sick and tired of competing with your weapons!! This is it: decide right now between me or them, and if you can't choose, I'm leaving."

Neither of them moved for a few moments; they just stood there, staring at each other. Finally, Ironhide frowned and punched the wall to his left. "Fraggin' slag it," he muttered.

Barricade turned to leave. On the outside, he showed no emotion; on the inside, he was breaking into pieces. "Then this is good-bye." He began walking, already remembering the good times they had had, when he felt a hand grab his arm and pull him back.

"I'll drop off all of my weapon plans at Will's house later today, after breakfast. Does that sound good to you?"

Barricade smiled, turning around. "I'll drop off most of the plans. You can keep some." Leaning up, Barricade gave Ironhide a passionate kiss. "What made you decide to have me over the weapons, Ironhide?"

"When you gave me the ultimatum, I realized that weapons are replaceable. You, however, are not."

Barricade chuckled, wrapping his arms around Ironhide. "Who knew that Ironhide, Mr. Weapon's Expert, could spout corny make-up lines? No matter; I think we're long overdue for some interfacing and porting."

Ironhide smile lecherously. "Now yer speakin' my language, 'Cade..."

!#$()&

In Downtown Tranquility, two figures sat in a red 2008 Chevy Cobalt that was parked in a parking lot. The driver, a female of about 16 years old, was scanning the cars with wide eyes, looking out for a GMC Topkick. The passenger, a silver boom box, was swiveling its antenna around, searching for the Topkick's signal. Both seemed very, very nervous.

The driver, still scanning the lot, asked with a shaky voice, "All right, I can't see him...anything showing up on your sensors, Frenzy?"

"/Uh-uh, nope, not a thing./"

"Right, right...how long d'you think it'll be until we can safely drive to the boundaries of the base?"

"/Once 'Cade tells us we can./"

"Right...let's hope we can avoid running into him until then...Primus, Barricade owes us a LOT more than coffee money..."

* * *

So, there's chapter two. A little awkward, but it contained explosions, so that makes up for it. Oh, to explain why Raziel can speak Cybertronian: Raziel was up on the roof of the base examining the AllSpark shard during the beginnings of a thunder storm, when she got struck by lightning. That electricity generated a wee bit of the shard's power into her, allowing her to speak Cybertronian, sense signals, and use mind-links to talk. That's about it, though. 

Question: Kirmon64 said in her review that I should write about the rematch between Maggie and Xbox360con from the last chapter, and I'm wondering a few things: 1)Do you people want me to actually do that?; 2)If I do write it, who do you want to win?; 3)If Xbox360con wins, do you want Maggie to interface with him with her clothes on or off?

Constructive criticism is accepted. Monetary donations are accepted. Best Buy gift cards are accepted. Pies are accepted. Mmmmmm, pie...

Please, please, leave me with, at the very least, four reviews for this chapter. It's a little disheartening when your story receives a lot of hits, but only a scant amount of reviews.


	3. Forgiveness

Wow, quite a lot of reviews this time. #googly eyes# Yaaaaaaaaay...Anyhoo, chapter three's here, so enjoy it as long as possible. With school starting up again, as well as trying to do a separate Maggie/Xbox360con one-shot, as well as trying to make another "Transformers" fic involving three-way relationships, allegiance switching, a mention of zombiephobia, and the OC in chapter two, Raziel, I'm going to have a hard time keeping my mind focused on these things, so updates will probably not be on a set date, unless you count set date as "sometime within the month". But, let's move on to happier things, like this chapter!!

Oh, and to Mai (anonymous reviewer): Shhhhhhh, not too loud!! Nobody needd to know how to spell it!! Especially **them**...

Disclaimer: Only Raziel is mine.  
Pairing: Blackout/Mikaela  
Word: Forgiveness

* * *

Everyone agreed that Blackout was probably one of the most callous Decepticons to ever have been sparked. Every assignment he was given was either done with no emotion at all or very sadistically. The only thing he cared about was his much younger partner, Scorponok, who was almost like a son to him. There wasn't much that he asked for, and forgiveness wasn't in his dictionary before or during the war. After the war, though, was a completely different story. 

After the Mission City battle he had somehow survived, he traveled to Qatar and picked up Scorponok, begging for his forgiveness. Scorponok immediately forgave him, snuggling as close as possible as they flew back to California, purring gently the whole time.

When he went to the Autobots to get Scorponok repaired (and him, if possible), he wasn't surprised that all guns were on them as Ratchet reluctantly fixed them. Oddly, with Scorponok acting all cute all of a sudden, like an overgrown kitten, they easily forgave him, blaming it on his animalistic nature. It took longer for Blackout to be forgiven, but they warmed up when they saw the way Blackout acted when Scorponok played with Sam, Bumblebee and Mikaela--protective, like a parent trying to let their kid be free, but not really wanting to let go.

Ratchet forgave him when he explained why he joined the Decepticons (Megatron had threatened to kill Scorponok if he didn't join his army so he, Megatron, would have at least 10 competent soldier in his army).

Bumblebee forgave him when he cheated at a game between himself, Sam, Mikaela, and Blackout (Bee knew that Blackout knew that he, Bee, was cheating, but only chuckled when Bee tried to outsmart him).

Ironhide forgave him when he "accidentally" broke one of his favorite newly-made weapons to bits (granted, Blackout had actually done it when Ironhide had gotten into a fight with Scorponok and has injured him really badly, but Ironhide's pride made him tell a different story).

Optimus forgave him for killing close comrades of his (after all, he understood that Blackout would've preferred working in the science department, but nobody really wanted to cross Megatron's orders).

Sam forgave him for almost stepping on Mojo (but really, it wasn't his fault, seeing as Bumblebee decided to glomp him from behind as Mojo ran by, and his balance was thrown out of whack as the little rodent-creature motored past his feet).

Will forgave him for the attack on Qatar (he understood what it was like to feel the need to do anything to protect your child; after all, he had Annabelle, and nobody really wanted to mess with a girl whose father was a soldier).

Mikaela forgave him when, at twenty-one years age and after a four year relationship (who would've thought?), he flat-out refused to be there when she finally gave birth to the very first Cybertonian-Human hybrid twins (she later found out from Sam and Bee that he'd peeked into Ratchet's med-bay to see how she was doing, since her screams seemed to make him anxious and worried for her health, and that, after accidentally getting a peak at a big, bulbous fleshy thing in between her raised legs that would later be identified as one of the twins' heads, he stiffened up, closed the door, ejected Scoroponok, then went outside and fainted).

* * *

And there ya have it. One of the toughest Decepticon warriors brought down by the birthing process. Who would've thought it? Not me, that's for certain. 

Anyhoo, random info: if you haven't already, go see "Sweeney Todd" and buy the soundtrack. Both the movie and the soundtrack are AMAZING!! I mean, who knew that Johnny Depp had a really good voice? Well, except for those of you who already knew he had a really good voice, but you don't count, since you already knew that...yeah...I'm just gonna go back to listening to both of my "Transformers" soundtracks while air guitaring...yeah...

Thanks to those of you who gave me e-sweets. They were delicious.

Say, does anybody actually know where Tranquility and Mission City are, or are they just made up cities?

And Mai: See? I fixed it!! #grumbles# You ruined my mind control, though...bah, humbug!!


	4. An Odd Sort Of Reward

...Can't think. Brain hurts. #yawns, goes back to sleep#

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.  
Pairing: Jazz/Maggie  
Summary: Maggie's walking home and runs into some trouble. Now she needs a knight in shining armor to saver her. Oh well. Jazz'll have to do.

* * *

There's an old saying people have to try and get over their fears: "There's nothing to fear but fear itself." Some people heard this saying and immediately got over their fears. Some people used it as a mantra whenever they were afraid, eventually getting over their fears. 

Maggie thought that whoever had come up with that saying had obviously never walked home late at night from their part-time job during a power outage, and only a few of the emergency streetlights were working. The fact that it had begun raining buckets didn't help one bit as she got soaked to the bone, and the only word she could think of to describe her plight was: "F#!$"

"F#!$ f#!$ f#!$ f#!$ f#!$," she moaned, water dripping from her hair and into her eyes. "Of all the nights it could rain, it just has to be this night, doesn't it?" So involved was she with her own problem that she failed to notice a few men begin to follow her, lecherous smiles playing on their faces. "F#!$, Jazz said he was going to take me somewhere special tonight, too, because of my promotion...God f#!$ing dammit, why the f#!$ does it have to be pouring tonight!? For once, why can't--ow!!" She hadn't noticed until it was too late that she had turned a little early, so instead of turning a corner, she had turned in to an alley, kept walking, and had eventually smacked her head on the wall in the back of said alley, causing pain to shoot through her forehead. "Ow ow ow ow ow, that really hurts," she moaned, clutching her forehead as she turned around, wincing. " F#!$ f#!$ f#!$--oh."

As she had stepped forward, she bumped into a soft body, which sent her back a bit. Opening her eyes, she saw five or six men in front of her, all wearing identical grins. "Um, excuse me, but I-I really need to get going right now, otherwise--"

"You cold, babe?" The man who seemed to be in charge stepped forward, his smile widening. Said smile sent shivers down her spine. It made her unconsciously step back.

"Y-yeah, j-j-just a little cold, but I'll be fine." Slowly, she moved her hand into her purse, reaching for her mace. 'If he comes any closer...'

"Why don't you come with us, then? We can, eh, help keep you warm." The men laughed at this, stepping closer to Maggie.

"No, no thank you," she replied, now searching frantically for the mace. Where the hell was it!? "I-if you'll just--"

"No, really, we can help." The man grabbed her roughly by the arm, pulling her into the middle of the group. "It'll be no problem."

"It'll be no problem to blow your head off if you touch my girl again, fragger." As all heads turned in the direction the deep voice came from, Maggie's expression went from frightened to elated.

"Jazz?...Wait, were you following me!? And you didn't even bother to pick me up?"

In the light coming from the emergency streetlight, the black man winked, his dreadlocks moving a bit as he nodded.

"Hey, I was jus' doin' my duty, Mags. 'Sides, you hate it when people follow you, right?"

Without warning, Jazz suddenly swung the hand holding the gun at the closest thug, knocking him out. All of them, including Maggie, were shocked at what he had just done. Nobody moved or spoke for a few moments; then, Maggie broke the silence.

"Jazz, if you can do that to everyone here, I'll think of a good reward for you."

!#$&()

A few weeks after the attack, Sam was having a hard time sleeping in one of the guest rooms of the Autobot base. No, he didn't have insomnia; that was Frenzy's problem. Caffeine was out of the question too, seeing as he had drank the last of it yesterday. No, the problem was who was in the room next to him. You see, the particular guest room that Sam was sleeping in happened to share a wall with Jazz's room, and tonight, loud moans and groans were coming through the wall.

Letting out a groan of his own, Sam slammed the pillow over his face, then sat up and banged on the wall. "Will you knock it off already!? Some of us are trying to sleep here!!!" But the noises didn't stop, most likely because the ones making said noises were too wrapped up in what they were doing to pay him much attention. "Dammit...oh no, no, no!!" Sam had good reason to shout that, seeing as there was a banging sound now mixing with the voices and shaking the wall. "No, no, no, no," moaned the teen, squeezing the pillow around his ears. "She's just giving his holo-form a massage, pretend it's just a massage, that's all it is..."

* * *

Ah, finally, the third chapter is out!! It's taken me forever, seeing as bowling practice has taken over my life right now, kind of like homework had done so last week. But, thankfully, it's going to be easier to relax and hopefully get on the computer so I can type out more chapters. 

Sadly, though, I have bad news: I actually have some interesting classes this year, as well as teachers who have decided to put me towards the front of the rows, so no longer can I hide behind someone and pretend I'm taking notes. That, and for some strange reason, I've had some strange-but-hot "after Armada" scenes playing in my head, mostly consisting of Rad getting some strange disease that's only considered a disease because it is something unnatural (coughcoughRad'sreallyhornyallthetimesohornyit'sliterallypainfulcoughcough), and then Optimus getting a holoform, helping him out with his "little problem" b/c the Big Cheese-bot and Rad have had that little "I like you but I don't know that you like me" thing going on, and then they find out that the disease has made Rad able to have Transformer babies, and Optimus gets Rad pregnant, Starscream and Alexis get together, Megatron wants Rad, and Demolisher is still not that bright at times.

...man. Somebody should really write that, 'cause anytime I imagine those scenes, I can't concentrate enough to write them down. If anybody does write it, I will love them forever.

Anyhoo, guess I'll do some review answers.

**flarey phoenix:** Thanks for clearing that up!! 'Lot less confusing now...

**Niteskye:** #blushes# Awww, thanks...nobody's ever said that to me before...  
...wait, Mission City's a real place? But flarey phoenix said it was made up...so confused...

**seiya12:** I'm trying to go as fast as possible!! Don't rush me so much!! ;3;

**Azkadellia:** What is it with everybody I know saying that Bumblebee is the hottest movie-verse Transformer there it!? Am I the only one who thinks Optimus Prime is the incarnation of a sex god!? (Heehee, if you're first for Bumblebee, then I'm first for Optimus!! Yay for mech-sexuals!!) And really, nobody knows what Transformer/human babies would be like...maybe they'd be cyborgs...maybe freaks of nature...maybe they'd be #gasp# TOO CUTE FOR WORDS!! #hugs random babies#

**Nexmelody:** Y'know, I've never had marzipan before...now I need to go buy me some...#accepts offering# Sweets are sweets...#chews#

And, last but not least, an answer to a review of chapter one, thanks to **Niteskye:** Wait, there was a "Transformers: Cybertron"? #looks up on Wikipedia# And it came out between '05-'06?...WHERE THE HELL WAS I DURING ALL OF THIS!? SOPHOMORE YEAR SHOULDN'T HAVE KILLED MY BRAIN THAT MUCH!!


	5. A Very Happy Valetine's Day Indeed

HOLY FREAKIN' SHOCKWAVE'S NONEXISTENT-FACE-ON-A-STICK!! I'M BACK!! #bows# I'm sorry I took so long to get the next chapter up. School was basically sucking all my ideas out of me ("2001: A Space Odyssey" broken brain), and I've been trying to get back into reading stories on paper pages instead of web pages (Stephen King currently equals Primus). So, really, I need to just sit down and start typing stuff up. Feel free to hurt me for taking so long.

Disclaimer: Obviously, nobody is mine. The only thing of "Transformers" that I own would be a shirt with the Autobot insignia, one red DS Stylus with the Autobot symbol on the top, another one with the Decepticon symbol on the top, and a really cool case to hold both of them. Oh, and the DVD. And, if I can find them, my McDonald's Kids Meal Scorponok and Tarantulas toys from "Beast Wars".  
Pairing: Dispenser/Frenzy  
Prompt: Out of time  
Random Note: I swear, Victory Road in Diamond/Pearl hate me for some reason. Keeps sending wild Pokemon at me every three steps. #swears at D/P Victory Road#  
Random Note #2: 'Twas meant to be a Valentine's Day fic, but seeing as my body decided that Valentine's Day and the day after were perfect days to become sick enough to feel like shit, it didn't come out in time.

"Transform!" talking  
'Transform!' thinking  
"/Coffeecoffeecoffee.../" Cybertronian

* * *

"HurryhurryhurryhurryHURRY!!" 

"Will you calm down, Frenzy?" an annoyed voice asked as the Saleen police car drove down the streets.

"Nononononononononononono, can'tcalmdown, 'Cade!! Gottagettherebeforetheyallrunout!!" The spastic little Cassette was going positively NUTS in the backseat, literally bouncing up and down with excitement, nervousness, anxiety, and possibly a little bit of paranoia, but that last bit was questionable...at least in this instant.

The fact that Frenzy was acting spazzy didn't pique Barricade's curiosity, oh no. In fact, if Frenzy had started acting like a proper English lord, that would've piqued the Decepticon's curiosity, but this time, it was something else. There must have been something very important running about in Frenzy's processors, seeing as the little 'Con had refused to allow Barricade to recharge until he got what he wanted; that was piquing at Barricade's curiosity.

"Exactly what is so important that we have to drive out in the middle of the night to get it? "

"GottagetsomethingforDispenser!! GottagetitforValentine'sDay!!"

Ah yes. Now he understood. Frenzy, like the stereotypical male in human stories that they had read on the internet about this holiday, had forgotten to get something for his sparkmate, Dispenser. "And you want to go and get it so he doesn't get mad at you and decides to hurt you like in the humans' accounts on the internet?"

"Don'twanthimthinkingIdon'tcare, right? GAAAH!!" Frenzy looked at Barricade's clock: it read 11:55. "Movemovemovemovemoveorwe'regonnabelatean'they'llclosean'wewon'tbeabletogetanything!!"

"All right, all right!! Keep your circuits in check!!" Barricade drove faster, doing his best to get to the coordinates Frenzy had given him.

It just wasn't enough.

* * *

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" Frenzy flung himself at the window of the store, sliding off of it like someone in a comedy flick. "No no no no no no no no no no no no no no..." The little Cassette just lay there on the ground, weakly banging his hand on the cement as Barricade's holo-form walked over to him and read the sign in the window. 

" 'Store hours Monday--Thursday: 9 A.M. to Midnight'. And it's 12:10 right now..." Looking down, he saw that his partner was now weakly whacking his head on the ground, to go with the still-moving fist. "I'm sorry, Frenzy. I really am."

"N-n-n-n-now I w-w-won't g-get the w-wax, oil, and p-p-p-p-p-p-pop he w-w-w-w-wanted," the little 'Con moaned.

Barricade wanted to do something, he really did; he just didn't know what he could do at the moment to ease Frenzy's pain. "Well, let's go back. Maybe we can stop by before he wakes up tomorrow." Frenzy gave a strange, distorted chirping sound, the Cybertronian equivalent of a sob, as he nodded weakly, rising up from the ground.

" 'Kay-'kay...m-m-m-maybe get up e-e-early..." Slowly walking back towards Barricade, he gave one last look at the store, taking in the displays, the cash registers, the security cameras...wait. That's it.

Frenzy started to cackle, alerting Barricade to the fact that a plot had just been hatched. He sighed. 'This had better not take long...'

* * *

"...and in other news, police are still trying to figure out how somebody was able to disable all the security cameras and alarms in a family-owned store on 31st street, making off with twelve cans of car wax, eight bottles of premium car oil, and about thirteen cases of soda. Some lawmen are saying that there is probably a real live Ocean's 11 group out here in Tranquility--" 

"Dispenser!! DispenserDispenserDispenser!!" Upon hearing his name, the large green Decepticon turned his head to the left, away from the t.v., to see his smaller sparkmate, Frenzy, draggin three case of 7-Up behind him, with a can of wax and a bottle of oil on it. An eyebrow ridge raised in confusion, but not displeasure.

"Frenzy? Why are you carrying around a few cases of pop and some car supplies?" Frenzy didn't answer; instead, he continued dragging the objects over to where Dispenser was sitting. Upon reaching him, the Cassette let go of his load and collapsed with a dramatic sigh in Dispenser's lap, resting his head on the larger 'Con's chest.

"/If you really have to know, 'Cade and I went to go get my gift for you, but by the time we got to the store, it was closed!! So, I hacked into the security system, shut it down, got the things I needed, and then we left!!/"

"Okay...gift for what?" With another sigh, this one because he was happy, Frenzy gently nuzzled the area over Dispenser's spark while summoning up all the will power he had so he wouldn't stutter out:

"Happy...Valentine's...Day...Dispenser."

* * *

Later that day, Barricade decided to go and see if Bumblebee wouldn't mind wiping the slate clean and having another go at a relationship, just like what they had before the war had started. He normally wouldn't be doing this during the pouring rain, but he decided that he'd let Dispenser and Frenzy have some "alone time" with the gifts that Frenzy had gotten Dispenser. 

That, and he didn't exactly want to be there when they were done and Frenzy decided to come in and taunt Barricade by saying "/He may be blocky, but at least I'm getting some, unlike you,/" in a sing-song voice before going back for more.

* * *

EndeNdenDENdeNDEnDENDend

* * *

Done totally in front of the computer. No paper at all. Yay me. 

Anybody else not really like the fact that they made Bumblebee the only Transformer in the '07 movie without moving mouth parts or an actual face? They better fix that for the second movie...

**Azkadellia:** Over-thinking not good. Over-thinking kills the brain. #brain dies# And thanks for the compliment on Jazz's character. I tried to keep him in character, but I've only seen the movie, and I'm currently 3/4 of the way through the first G1 episode (damn interruptions...)

**I ****play wid fir3:** COOKIE!! SUGAR!! #tackles# Mmmmmm, medicine for my brain...#huggles#

**Fk306 animelover:** Domo arigatou (Mr. Roboto) for the compliment!

**xXsomeoneelseXx:** You have a poster? Lucky...all I've got is a Valentine's card with Optimus...and an Autobot and Decepticon DS Stylus...and a kick-ass case to hold them in...but I want a poster...#eats cyber-chocolate# Oh well. E-chocolate makes up for it. Thank you!

**flarey phoenix:** Ah, thank you for clearing that up. And yes, they would make a good pair...hope Michael Bay brings him back.

**Niteskye:** Oops. Didn't mean to misquote you there...#blushes# My fault entirely. Yeah, I read up on the "Cybertron" series. I'm not waking up at 5 A.M. to catch it at 5:30 A.M. on Cartoon Network, though. #still can't figure out where she was during the "Cybertron" airings# Sure, we can share Optimus...wonder if he'll be up for a threesome...#perverted grin# And thanks for t3h compliment.

So, I heard a rumor that they're going to be bringing in some more G1 characters, and those characters would probably be Soundwave, Frenzy's siblings, and possibly some/all of the the Dinobots. That just makes me more excited. Oooooo, hope they do a third one and bring in the Twins...they should bring them in to the second movie...that'd be hilarious...anyhoo, R & R at your leisure, though flames shall be used to roast Shockwave's nonexistent-face-on-a-stick.

Shockwave: You!! Fleshbag!! Give me back my missing face!!  
Me: Why? You're more amusing as a lightbulb-faced box-head anyhoo!!  
#scuffle ensues# #Autobots and Decepticons stop fighting and watch#


	6. The Sequal to Nervous

...I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I really can't believe I'm doing this.

Okay, because I'm crap at writing lemons, I'm just going to give you the before and after part. If anybody who is good at writing lemons wants to write this as a full-blown lemon, I give you my permission, but please, pm me to warn me that you're going to do it so I don't go spazzy like Red Alert, thinking that somebody plagarized parts of this chapter.

_Disclaimer:_ I own them, and if I speak falsely, then may Shockwave become sexually appealing to rabid bears. #rabid bears become sexually attracted to Shockwave#

**Shockwave:** DAMN YOU FLESHLING!! #runs from bears#  
**EI:** XD Hehehehehehehehehehehe...#roasts a very handsome Cybertronian face# Bye-bye, Shockwave's face...#cackles maniacally#

_Pairing:_ Xbox360con/Maggie  
_Summary:_ Heh, remember chapter one, where our favorite lil' gamer 'Con challenged Maggie to a rematch? Here's the second part...

* * *

Sweaty palms gripped white plastic, while blue eyes stared straight ahead, focused only on her immediate goal. "Yes...yes..._yes_...no, no, no, _**NO**_...OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Evil little snickers arose from the gaming counsel, a perfect contrast to the yells anger and frustration coming out of the young woman. "Ehehehehehehehehe...looks like I win, fleshie." Still snickering, said gaming counsel transformed from a little Xbox360 to an Xbox360con, who was staring at, shall we say, certain parts of Maggie's bikini-and-shorts clad body as she stormed around the room, alternately groaning and letting out short shouts of frustration.

"Not fair! You must've cheated somehow, you little glitch!" Letting out a short "Aaaugh!", she turned to the side, making a motion as though she wanted to strangle something. "I had you right where I wanted you! You had almost no life left, and yet you beat me! How did--" Maggie paused, her eyes widening as she remembered what the little 'Con had said earlier, and rounded on him. "You used cheat codes, didn't you, you frag-faced, slag-brained, aft-headed little glitch!?"

"Ooooh, you know Cybertronian swears? That's kinda hot, Mags..." He smirked; this just made her even more frustrated. "Well, y'know what this means, right?" Maggie's eyes widened even more. "It means y'gotta interface with me..."

"...Oh _hell_ no!"

"Don't forget, you _did_ make that bet with me..." Xbox's smirk widened as Maggie's jaw dropped, her face becoming hot. Closing her mouth, she huffed and crossed her arms, shifting her weight to one leg.

"All right, what do I have to do?"

Xbox hopped down to the ground, turning back into his game station form. "Wait a sec--" he said in a sing-song tone. Maggie huffed, leaning to one side.

"What exactly am I waiting--" A pause decided to interject itself in to her inquiry as a very handsome man--a few years older than her, by the look of him--with shaggy hair dyed different shades of gray and red eyes that stared at her with a lecherous--yet strangely not unwanted--gaze.

The man--the shirtless, slightly-tanned, tall, fit...Maggie had more, but we'll stop at handsome man--crossed his arms, smirking at her. "So...rethinking that interfacing idea, Mags?"

Maggie didn't move for a little bit; her mind was having a little battle at the moment. One side was shouting at her "ZOMG THAT'S XBOX RIGHT THERE!! THE LITTLE FRAGGER THAT'S A COMPLETE PERV, ALWAYS LOOKING UP PORN ON YOUR COMPUTER AND HE'S A GROSS LITTLE LECHER ALWAYS LEERING AT YOU AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!" The other side waited calmly for the first side to finish ranting. Once the first side was done, the second side, still calm, promptly thwacked the first side upside the head, hog-tied it, covered it in tar, then loaded it into a cannon and shot it far, far away, most likely to Tattooine or one of the planets in the Outer Rim. After all of that, Maggie could do only one thing:

She nodded, never taking her eyes off of Xbox's form.

Okay, that was a lie. She could actually do two things, but the second didn't come into play until after the human Xbox had made his way over to her and gently ran his fingertips down the side of her face. At first, she leaned into the touch, but her inner analyst quickly popped up and made her think enough to ask one question: "How are you able to do this?"

Xbox's smirk softened to a grin as he moved a hand to her shoulder, his other hand cupping her cheek as he moved her over to the couch, gently pushing her down. "It's a holo-matter generator," he began, placing kisses along her jawline before moving down her neck.

Maggie's eyes fluttered closed; his kisses, although it was obviously his first time ever doing anything like this, felt better than what she had felt from other guys before. "A-and that is...?"

"Something that allows us to interact with humans," he murmured against her collarbone, sucking on it a bit before slowly kissing his way lower. One hand moved to untie her bikini top; Maggie just arched up to let him have easier access.

"Why...why haven't you shown...shown anybody before?" Maggie's hands moved to his pants, deftly unbuttoning them and sliding them down.

Xbox stopped and moved up, looking at her square in the eye. He held her chin between a thumb and forefinger. "Because you and I were never alone before, Maggie."

* * *

**"Eric! Did you just say the 'F' word!?" **_"...Jew?"_

* * *

"Okay, they _gotta_ be done by now, right?" Glenn, sitting on the passenger side of Jazz as they neared his grandma's house, was looking anxiously at the building as he stated his question. "I mean, it's close t'eight..._nobody_ can go on for _that_ long...right?"

"I dunno," replied Jazz, slowing down as they neared the house. "I mean, you shoulda seen some o' the femmes in th'red light district back on Cybertron. They could go on f'_hours_, man...damn, I miss Cybertron..."

Glenn felt his face get hot at that. He had an idea that Jazz was probably a ladies man back on Cybertron, but he had a hard time picturing robot sex. What did their parts look like...?

"Glenn? Glenn, y'in there, man?"

"Wha...oh, yeah, I'm here." Snapping back to reality, the large black man opened Jazz's door and stepped outide, stretching a bit. "A'ight, I'm gonna get those files that Prime wants and then head to bed. Be right back." Taking out his keys, Glenn unlocked the door and stepped inside, closing it after him. Jazz waited, enjoying the sound of cars and crickets. It was very peaceful. Very, very peaceful. Very, very, very peaceful. Very, very, very, very, very, very--"OH MY GOD!! MAGGIE!!"

"GLENN!! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL LOOKING?!"

"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, DON'T KILL ME!! Just...who the _**hell**_ is this?"

"Y'know, I _really_ wish you'd make your cousin clean his hands before using my controllers, Glenn."

"...XBOX!?"

Outside, Jazz had transformed into his bipedal mode, looked inside, then rolled onto his back and clutched his stomach, laughing. Glenn was gonna get it once Maggie was clothed...

* * *

**_"No, he's talking about 'fuck'. You can't say 'fuck' in school, you fucking fatass."_ "Kyle!" **_"Why the fuck not!?" _**"Eric!"**

* * *

Yeah, here's the sequel to chapter 1. I finally got down to writing it. I don't really like it, though...it's kind of stale to me, but...#shrugs# I dunno. Still, Xbox's holo-form sounds really hot. Mmmmmm, sex with a game station...hot...

**I play wid fir3:** #hands over charred, partially melted face# You saw the burning of Shockwave's face; here's the face. Enjoy!

**Azkadellia:** Now ya got me thinkin'...they should make battle masks IRL. They'd be useful...'specially in poker...

**FK306 animelover: **True dat, dawg. True dat...#Ironhide singes her for acting black# Ow...can't find my eyebrows...not cool...

As always, reviews are appreciated. Since Shockwave's face has already served its purpose, flames shall now be used to...um...uh...I dunno. I'll get back to that. But it won't be pretty!...I think.

Enjoy, and have an awesome Spring Break!! #continues to watch Shockwave run from rabid bears# Hmmmmmm, I should fix this somehow...naaaaaaaah.


	7. Hell Hath No Fury

I have been waiting a LONG time to write an m-preg fic. Well, a full one, at least. All the other m-preg stuff I've come up with a just short little snippets from pairings that have attacked my mind during school and refuse to leave before being written down. So, yeah...uh...#gets to writing before she continues talking and hurts herself# And I'm so, so sorry for taking so long to update. Let's just say that my brain has decide to go on Super Senioritis mode, so thinking has been basically impossible.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, as always.  
**Pairing:** Ironhide/Bumblebee**  
Prompt:** Violent**  
Summary:** Full title is "Hell Hath No Fury Like A Pregnant Transformer". Bumblebee's circuits fritz out sometimes because of his pregnancy. The Twins learn the hard way that poking fun at a pregnant Transformer, no matter how well-though out your escape plan, is a bad idea: escape plans somehow always fail against the wrath of a pregnant being.

We're saying that Bumblebee has a face from now on. Not some eyes and a stupid speaker, I mean eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks...the whole enchilada. #pauses# Actually, enchilada's sound really good about now...

* * *

**"And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped."** "This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere..."

* * *

"All right, now remember Bumblebee, don't do anything too stressful, and don't do too much work." Smiling, Ratchet placed a hand on Bumblebee's shoulder. "It's ironic, yet strangely appropriate, that the las Pre-War sparkling would bear the first Post-War sparkling." The yellow 'bot smiled, sheepishly fidgeting a bit; this cause the CMO to chuckle. "Now go tell Ironhide. I'm sure he'll be overjoyed to know that it's not him that's making your logic circuits go haywire."

* * *

"Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes." **"Oh, certainly, sir..."**

* * *

"I just don't understand it, Optimus." Sighing, Ironhide flopped down on the Autobot-sized couch, supporting his head with one of his hands. Optimus sat in the chair across from him, his hands clasped as he leaned over and smiled kindly at the distressed mech.

"Ironhide, don't blame yourself. For all his outward appearances, Bumblebee is probably just nervous inside and doesn't want to show it. Thus, he's acting strange around you."

"I don't think that's it, Prime. Bumblebee wouldn't--" Ironhide suddenly stopped, his eyes now trained on something behind the blue 'Bot. Curious, Optimus turned around and saw a shy-looking Bumblebee standing in the doorway. He smiled as the young 'Bot fidgeted; no matter how much Bumblebee tried to be grown-up and mature, he would always be a child at heart.

The little yellow mech fidgeted a bit more, looking at Ironhide before shifting his gaze to Optimus. "Optimus, if it's not too much trouble...may I please borrow Ironhide?"

"Of course," he replied, nodding and turning back to Ironhide. Unfortunately, he was forced to stifle a chuckle at the comically horrified look on Ironhide's face. 'Primus, he looks like he's about to die...or is "extremely constipated", according to Sam and Miles.' He let out a chuckle at that. "Well, go on, Ironhide. I'm sure everything will be fine." The black mech said nothing as he silently stood up and solemnly walked over to the smaller mech, following him out into the hallway and disappearing from Optimus' view.

Optimus could hear Ironhide begin to apologize for whatever he had done and start to plead with Bumblebee to forgive him, when his voice was suddenly cut off. A low murmuring could be heard--Bumblebee's voice--followed by silence. At this, Optimus' expression fell; was he wrong? Was Bumblebee breaking up with Ironhide? Concerned, Optimus rose, but had taken only about two and 5/8ths of a step before a whoop of joy could be heard, followed by Ironhide bringing Bumblebee into the room and swinging him around, laughing with the yellow bot. The pair stopped after a bit, Ironhide holding his smaller lover close as he looked at Optimus and grinned widely.

"I'm gonna be a father!!"

* * *

_"Look, my liege!"_ #trumpet fanfare# "Camelot..." "Camelot..." _"Camelot..."_ _**"It's only a model..." **_"Shhhh!!"

* * *

As the months passed, things changed around the base: Ironhide became happier; things were being made sparkling-proof; Bumblebee got bigger, a bit more hormonal, and had to do his best to stop Ironhide from having a mental breakdown a la Red Alert; Ratchet became a little nicer (well, to Bumblebee...everyone else he was still grumpy towards); and the Twins were declaring themselves "The greatest pair of Uncle's that a sparkling could possibly hope to live with", as well as pulling pranks...wait, never mind, forget the last one. That had been there before the sparkling.

Anyway, aside from just _having_ to play "Jet Judo" and always rushing in to things, one could consider the Twins pretty smart. They got pretty good grades in school; they (sometimes) knew to choose their fights wisely; and they always knew how to make it look like somebody else pulled a prank instead of them. However, they obviously didn't know a lot about pregnant Cybertronians and how their logic processors can go haywire during pregnancy. If they had they wouldn't have decided to annoy Bumblebee.

That was the first thing that Red Alert heard when heading towards the mess hall. Curious, he stopped in the entry way, watching the two annoy Bumblebee, while noticing, with some amusement, that Bumblebee was gripping the table he was at so hard that it was beginning to crack. 'Oh boy. This ought to be good.'

"...But seriously, 'Bee," drawled Sunstreaker, leaning against the table. "I think you need to lay off the Energon goodies."

"Oh? And why is that?" he replied in a strained tone of voice.

The table cracked a little more; Red Alert bit back a laugh.

"Because," Sideswipe began, laying a hand on Bumblebee's shoulder and either not noticing or ignoring the way the younger stiffened up. "You're getting a little...big around the middle."

"Yeah, an' I think the last time I actually saw you with a little excess weight around your middle was when you were still a newborn. Ain't that right, Sides?"

"Yeah, you were a cute little chubby sparkling, Bumblebee. Now it seems that you're gaining back that weight...tsk tsk tsk, Bumblebee. You need to watch your weight."

"Yeah, don't want to get much fatter, do ya?"

At that point, Red Alert both heard and saw the places on the table that Bumblebee was gripping crack and break off, as well as the twins get a little nervous. They, however, didn't stop.

"Well, I guess we'll leave you to continue getting bigger, Bumblebee."

"Don't get too big, now. We don't want one of us to look like all those fat girls on YouTube, eh? Or, if you wanted to--"

"--you could get as big as them, and then we could put you on the internet, an' then you'd be famous--"

* * *

"Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to...Camelot!"

* * *

"So, I hear you're going to be a dad, Ironhide?" The black mech smiled smugly, taking a sip of his high-grade.

"Indeed, Mikaela. Bumblebee and I are going to be the proud parents of the first sparkling to be born since--"

"I AM NOT FAT, FRAGGERS!!" Two pairs of eyes were drawn towards the hallway the yell came from, followed by various screams of rage, pain, and fear, as well as the sounds of one mech beating up another...or two.

"That sounded like Bumblebee..."

"And the twins..." Both of them made to go and see what the problem was, fully intent on helping in any way possible--when a laughing-so-hard-he-was-leaking-wiper-fluid-from-his-optics Red Alert stumbled into the room, clutching his sides. Both Ironhide and Mikaela stared at him, each with a raised brow. They watched as Red Alert calmed himself down enough wipe an optic before turning to them, still letting out little chuckles.

"Bumblebee...and the Twins...fat...tried to get away...he snapped...oh Primus, I think I'm gonna die laughing...you better go see..."

Both of them nodded, a little weirded out, before heading down the hallway to find the source of the ruckus. Behind them, they could hear Red Alert's laughter start up again, which only spurred them on more to get away from the slightly crazy Chief of Security.

"So, what d'you think made Red Alert laugh so much?"

"I don't know, Mikaela. I'm a little afraid, tho--"

Both of them had been expecting to see Sunstreaker and Sideswipe cowering in the corner, shaking in fear of something, and Bumblebee being...somewhere. They were expecting some guts, gore, and fluid. They hadn't been expecting to see the infamous Lamborghini Twins tied together in a giant, twisted ball of metal, groaning in pain, and hanging from the ceiling by a chain, with Bumblebee standing in front of them, hand on his hips.

"Now, what do you have to say?..."

"We're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry--"

"We didn't know you'd react this way--"

"We thought you could take a joke--"

"Please don't kill us!!"

"Mmmmmm, I don't think you're truly sorry..." And with that, Bumblebee proceeded to land a roundhouse kick on the ball, making it swing around in circles as he turned away, a huge grin on his face.

Ironhide was very proud of his mate's display of ferocity.

* * *

"No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot...'tis a silly place..." **"Right..." **_"Right..."_

* * *

Later that night, while grabbing a late-night mid-grade cube, Ratchet paused to look at the Twins with an amused smirk on his face. "Now, did Bumblebee really do this to you?" he asked, chuckling.

In unison, they replied "Yes. Ow." This just caused Ratchet to chuckle more.

"I think I'll leave you two there. This seems like a suitable punishment for what you two did." And, grabbing his cube, Ratchet proceeded to walk back to his med-bay, promptly ignoring the cries of "Aw, c'mon Ratch!" and "This is really beginning to hurt!", and even "If my paint job is messed up because of this chain, this'll be on **YOUR** head, Hatchet!!"

* * *

"And so, they were forced to eat Sir Robin's minstrels, and there was much rejoicing." _"Yaaaaay."_

* * *

There we go. One pregnant Bumblebee fic, for all of you out there like me that happen to like both a pregnant Bumblebee and the Ironhide/Bumblebee pairing. Hooooo boy, I fear for the sanity of 'Hide and 'Bee's sparkling...

**I play wid fir3:** Heh, glad you liked it. The chapter, I mean...and maybe the face.

**Azkadellia:** Yeah, I laughed when I thought of Jazz heading out to Cybertron's Red Light District, yes that didn't seem OOC to me for some reason...maybe I'm just a super perv...Yeah, Glenn would totally have that face. XD

**Niteskye:** And somehow I completely understand what you mean with just "Hee hee hee hee".

**Fk306animelover:** Why thank you!

**Dragon260:** Ohhhhhhh yeah, the G-man's gonna get skinned alright...that is, if Maggie can stop the sex with Xbox long enough to actually get the tools to skin him with...


	8. Sexual Tension

I became a bit of a moron last night and wrote down some of my favorite pairing and prompt...pairs, because my mind was all "Hey, those two are hot together, remember them!" Of course, I accidentally shredded the paper along with some receipts that my parents said needed to be shredded, and the only one I could remember was this one. Then, I wrote it down during the whole school day...when I should have been paying attention...and working on my final theater project...oh well.

**Disclaimer:** None are mine, unfortunately.  
**Pairing:** Sam/Starscream, implied Optimus/Bumblebee and Jazz/Mikaela  
**Prompt:** Alone together  
**Summary:** All I can say is: "Dude ZOMG sexual tension makes for some of the best fics!"

**Note:** To clarify some things, the All Spark shard decided to turn the Transformers on Earth in to humans just for giggles. Yes, I said "for giggles". It giggled, alright...and let me tell ya, it was creepy.

Ah, you say, but why is Starscream human? He wasn't stuck on Earth! Yeah, well...I say he was. So there. Nyeah. I win.

* * *

"But Optimus--"

"You must be insane, Prime, to even suggest that--"

"No buts." Optimus frowned at the two, before turning back to the door an inputting the ridiculously long passcode that Red Alert had assigned it. "You two are going to work out your differences, one way or another, and we're now at this." Sighing, the current Prime ran a hand through his hair as the door opened. "You'll be in here for about two hours. We'll check on you after that."

"What!? Optimus, you've got to be kidding me!!"

"I take it you want the human dead, Prime?"

Optimus sighed again, this time a much heavier sigh, and turned to face them as the door finished opening. "In case you've forgotten, Starscream, we're all human now, and that includes you, Barricade, and Frenzy."

"Hmph. That doesn't mean I have to respect the flesbags," he muttered, crossing his arms and looking away from Optimus. A laugh from Sam, however, made him look at the human with a raised eyebrow. "And just what is so funny, fleshie?"

"Nothing, really...y'just looked like you were pouting for a second there, Starshit."

"WHAT!? I, Starscream, do NOT pout!!" He stepped closer to Sam, his red eyes practically glowing from underneath his long brown bangs as he locked eyes with Sam's brown orbs. One would think that, since Starscream towered over Sam, the smaller male would have been frightened, but Sam's gaze never wavered. "I dare you to say that again, meatsack."

"All right, I will. You were--"

"ENOUGH!" Optimus' roar made the two combatants turn and look at him, both a little scared, thanks to his glare and shaking fists. "You are both to enter the room, and when I come back, I expect you two to be, at least, talking civilly towards each other. Am I understood?" Both of them nodded meekly. "Good. Now, MOVE!!" The two hurried into the room, wanting to get away from Optimus' terrifying gaze.

As he closed the door, he saw the two turn back to each other, glaring, and begin their verbal war anew. Another sigh escaped Optimus' lips; this was going to be a loooooooooong first year...

* * *

LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE

* * *

About half an hour after Sam and Starscream had been locked in a room, one would be able to find Optimus in the designated living room area with Bumblebee on his lap, the younger male's fingers furiously tapping buttons on a controller, while Mikaela sat on Jazz's lap, imitating Bumblebee. They both were trying to win the final bout of Super Smash Bros. Melee, proving that one was better than the other, when a frantic Red Alert ran in to the room.

"Optimus! Optimus, there's a problem! The camera that was watching Starscream and Sam has blacked out! I can't see if they're killing each other or not!"

"What?" Gently, Optimus rose into a standing position, allowing Bumblebee to slide off him aon on to the couch withiout breaking his concentration. "What were they doing before the camera blacked out?"

"Last I saw, they were basically tearing each other's clothes off!! I think they were going for each other's vital organs!!" And without waiting for a reply, Red Alert grabbed Optimus by the wrist and hurried towards the locked room, deciding to later ask Jazz, Bumblebee, and Mikaela why they were laughing hysterically and saying "Sexual tension!" over and over again.

* * *

LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE

* * *

Optimus had been preparing himself with different scenarios as he and Red alert made their way to the room. He was prepared to deal with blood, bruises, and broken bones; he was prepared to deal with guts and gore; he was read to deal with missing limbs, possibly even the death of one or both. He wasn't (and neither was Red Alert), however, ready to deal with the two of them completely naked, with Sam pressed up against the wall as the two of them exchanged heavy, forceful kisses while their hands touched each other's body in a frenzied passion. If that had been the end of it, Optimus was sure he and Red Alert would have been fine. There would have been some mental scarring and extreme awkwardness for a while, but they would've been fine. It wasn't the end, however; the two officers had unfortunately come in as all this was happening, plus Sam's leg's were around Starscream's waist as the former jet was moving his hips back and forth. As such, this caused Red Alert to develop a nose bleed, emit a cry of "Aiyee!", and then promptly faint; Optimus to blush out of embarrassment and pick up Red Alert; and Starscream to turn, glare, and shoot a ball of energy at them, before turning back to the job at hand.

* * *

ENDENDENDENDENDENDENDEND

* * *

Oh man. Poor Red. He really should have done more research on the internet about the difference between tearing off somebodies armor and somebodies clothes. If he had, he would have realized that humans tearing each other's clothes off meant that they were going to have sex, not pull out weapons and try to stab the other in their vital organs so the other would die and let the victor cut off the loser's head and display it as a trophy over the mantle in their home for all their friends and family to see.

That and he should have come to terms with the fact that he's a closet perv...oh, some on! All those cameras, all that time in the security room...I can't be the only one who thought he had an ulterior motive the whole time!

**Azkadellia:** Yeah, the twins have never proven to be the epitome of genius, have they? I love it when the uke decides to kick some ass, too, as long as they don't start leaving "uke" and heading towards "seme". And glad you liked this m-preg fic.

**I play wid fir3:** Thank you very much! The random dialog was from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and I was using it for the breaks in the chapter. Sorry if that confused you!

**FK306 animelover: **Yay, Ironbee fan! Poor twins indeed. X3

**Dragon260:** Yeah, they should have...then again, people that do "Jet Judo" can't exactly be the brightest people ever, can they?

**Fae Child 19:** Thank you very much!

**Sami-SDGForce:** Bumblebee having the sparkling, you say?...I LOVE IT!! It shall be done!! #gets to writing#

**Eerie Iri:** Thanks!!

**Niteskye:** Hee hee hee hee...#coughcoughhackdie# I lurvs m-preg Bee...#huggles# Join in!

**SoulOfTheDawn:** Thank you! Glad I could make you giggle! Don't worry, there'll be another chapter about pregnant Bee, thanks to Sami-SDGForce.

Yes, and now, I have a request: I want to do a prompt-per-chapter fic centering around one pairing from the 07 movie, but I can't figure out who. So, those of you who read this, I need your help! Give me your favorite pairing from the movie, whether it's something tame, like Optimus/Mikaela, or something crackish, like Optimus/Ratchet! The pairing with the most votes wins, so send 'em in!


	9. Under Pressure

So, I wrote this down during school while trying to figure out exactly where I want to go with the sparkling birth chapter, figuring that this will amuse you guys until the chapter gets uploaded. And it's with one of my favorite crack! pairings.

Disclaimer: Eh? What's with the cards...oh. #clears throat# Megatron would like me to tell you that if he was owned by me, he would most likely try and throw himself in a black hole to escape my complete and utter lack of competence...waaaaaiiitttt...#reads again# MEGATRON!! GET YOUR SORRY AFT OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!! #chases after him#  
Pairing: Megatron, who I affectionately refer to as "Megafragger", and his sweet, glompable little Bumblebee  
Prompt: Pressure  
Summary: The human!Formers are fitting in quite nicely on Earth. Bumblebee gets pressured by Jazz and Ironhide into doing something. I get to imagine my fantasy of seeing two gay guys as a couple with one of them in women's clothing.

Note: I decided to try and do this as though it was a recorded conversation/script, thus leaving a little bit more to the imagination. Sorry if this sucks.

First part goes Megs, Bee, Megs, Bee, etc. Second starts off Jazz, Ironhide, Jazz, etc. I think you can figure it out from there.

Note 2: New poll in my bio! Please take it!

* * *

"What the Pit are you doing here?"

"#sigh# I got pressured in to doing this."

"#eyebrow raise# Uh-huh..."

"Look, I just want to get this over with, so don't make this any harder than it is right now, okay?"

"#smirkchuckle# My, my, impatient, aren't we?"

"#glare# #growl#"

"All right, all right, I get it. Take off your clothes."

"What!?"

"Look, you'll need my help for this, so don't complain."

"#sigh#" Guess you're right..."

"Aren't I always?"

"Just shut up and hurry up, Megafragger..."

_**BeebEEBeebEEBeebEEBeebEEBeebEEBeebEEBeebEEBeebEE**_

"So, y'think they actually did it?"

"Dunno. We'll find out in a little bit, though."

"Man, they've been in there longer than it should've taken for everything. Maybe they--" #door slams open#

"#grumblegroan# I really want to kill you two for this..."

"Oh, don't complain so much. You can pass as a female, anyway. They hair could be longer and less 'Harry Potter'-ish, but--"

"#growl#"

"#laughing# He's right though, Bee. Y'could pass fer a girl. Man, wait till Prime an' Ratch see this..."

"You and Ironhide better sleep with one eye open for a while, Jazz."

"Awwww, does Giselle not like who her Robert is?"

"Giselle wants to kill you two right now..."

"#laugh# C'mon, let's go to the costume party already. I'm sure they're all anxious to see you."

"Fine, fi--hands off my ass, Megatron."

"#laugh# But Bee, don'tcha know yer supposed to--"

"#punch#"

"Jazz!!"

"#laughs#"

"He'll be fine. Let's. Go."

And as Ironhide helped Jazz with his bloody nose, Bumblebee and Megatron walked off, the former strangely not saying anything about Megatron's arm around his waist, the hand on his hip, or the possessive hold that Megatron had on him all night.

_**EndeNDEndeNDEndeNDEndeNDEndeNDEndeNDEndeNDEndeND**_

Man, that's hard writing in mostly dialog. Now I want to see art for this. So badly. Any artist out there want to draw a picture of human Megatron holding a human Bee, who is dressed in the pink dress that we first see Giselle in in Disney's "Enchanted"?...Please?

**I play wid fir3:** #le gasp# Thou hast not seen it yet? Don't despair! Summer's coming up, so you should be able to see it soon! And a cookie?...MINE!! #grabs cookie# #glomps#

**Fae Child19:** Domo arigatou!

**Fk306 animelover:** Awww, don't beat yourself up! #hugs# I never would've thought of it either, until the generator gave it to me! #hugs again# Yeah, Red should've done more research, but then, his security check takes priority over everything, so...#laughs# Poor Red indeed. He liked it, though. All those hours up in the tower with all those cameras...he was definitely a closet voyeur.

**dusky:** Wow, you actually reviewed three previous chapters as well as chapter 8? That's so nice of you! #hugs# Y'know, wrestling in ancient times did state that you had to be completely naked, so...#evil perveted thoughts#


	10. Oh So Kinky

So, so long since I actually wrote some more. Oooh, close to the end here! We're going to have **Marluxia** amount of chapters so that I can work on some other things. So, this is the last chapter before the 'Bumblebee has a baby' chapter.

Disclaimer: Had I owned TF, I wouldn't be writing this, would I? Didn't think so.

Pairing: Megatron/Sam

Prompt: Kinky

* * *

"So, uh...wow, I mean, just...wow." Mikaela looked between the boy and the giant robot, a few times, then looked away from them, unsure of what to do. Ratchet, the ever curious medic, spoke next.

"Unexpected, certainly, but there is nothing we can do about it."

"What do you mean, 'nothing we can do about it'?" Ironhide pulled out his guns, aiming them directly at Megatron' open spark chamber. "All we've got to do is hit 'im and then--"

"No!" This was shouted simultaneously by Ratchet and Sam, the former grabbing Ironhide's arms and forcing them down, the latter quickly running away from Ratchet and running up Megatron's leg, eventually ending up quite close to his spark chamber. "You idiot," the medic hissed, glaring at Ironhide; said black mech shrank back as much as Ratchet's grip allowed him to. "If you kill one, you kill the other, and I don't think that you want to kill Sam, right, braniac?" Ironhide shook his head fearfully, afraid to upset the medic in some way. "Good. Now put your cannons away, lest I have to do it for you." Ironhide nodded once more, quickly putting his weapons away and putting his arms behind his back.

Satisfied that Ironhide wouldn't try and shoot anybody (the objects behind him, however, could possibly be doomed), Ratchet turned back to the human and the mostly-paralyzed mech he was currently on, both of their ocular organs half closed at the pleasure of being so close to their unintended sparkmate. "Well now, what are we going to do with you two?"

"How about you fix the rest of my body so I can leave here with my Sparkmate in tow, no matter how disgusting he is," the large silver mech grumbled, although his spark had puled brighter for a little bit when he had said "Sparkmate".

"As much as I know you would probably like to hold him," here Megatron growled, glaring at Ratchet, while Sam blushed a little bit, "we cannot take that chance, not until we can be sure that Megatron won't try anything."

"I still say we should torture him," Ironhide grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring at the Decepticon leader.

Ratchet sighed, massing some neuro wires above his optics. "Don't you remember that any pain one Sparkmate feels, the other will feel it too?" He smacked the weapons expert upside the head, then went back to massaging the wires. "We'll figure this out when Optimus and Bumblebee get back. Right now, we'll just leave you two alone to get used to being Sparkmates. Come along, both of you," were the final words the medic said before leaving the room, followed by a sulking Ironhide. Mikaela gave them one last glance, a nervous smile, and said "Well, hopefully this will work out," before following Ratchet and Ironhide out of the room.

Left alone in the room and still resting on Megatron, Sam did a one-eighty and looked up at him, resting his hands on some of Megatron's chest plating and his chin on his hands. Megatron looked down at him, a brow ridge raised ; Sam smiled. "Exactly what are you smiling at, fleshbag?"

"Oh, nothing really; just thinking that, since you're paralyzed right now, I can basically do anything I want to you right now."

"Is that so?" Megatron grinned, quickly off-lining his optics. Sam's expression quickly changed to confusion; what was he doing?

"Uh, Megatron? What exactly are you doing?"

"Don't tell me your guardian has never used a holoform around you, fleshling?" The sudden appearance of a deep, sensual voice near his ear mad Sam let out a yell of fright and leapt sideways, almost falling off of Megatron. He was grabbed, however, by the tall, silver haired man that had suddenly appeared next to him, and was quickly pulled against said man's body. Sam heard the man chuckle, feeling a little around from the voice. Carefully, he looked up at the man, his own brown eyes locking with the man's ruby red ones.

"M-Megatron?"

"You were expecting someone else, perhaps?" And without waiting for an answer, Megatron quickly pushed Sam against his frame, grinning lecherously as he held the human there. "Now then...I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the thought of being Sparkmates with you, but I am going to have to make the best of it, seeing as if you die, I die; the reverse is true too. However," here he ran his knuckles gently, almost sensually, along Sam's jaw line as he placed his mouth right next to Sam's ear and whispered: "Should you feel any pleasure, I will be able to feel it also. I think, with that in mind, we can work something out."

Sam, shuddering, just nodded, letting out a groan as Megatron smiled and said "Good" against his neck before kissing and sucking on it. For really, there was nothing he could do when Megatron—well, really, his holoform, but hey, details, who needs 'em?--was doing this with his mouth and that with his hands, basically turning him into a pile of goo, a human formed ragdoll, a near-thoughtless being.

The last coherent thought that ran through his mind was 'He's gonna do me on himself...kinky.'

* * *

Ergh. Not my most favorite chapter ever, but I do as the slash generator commands me to do. Hmmmm...not much to say, except...WE'RE ALMOST FINISHED WITH THIS STORY!! #cries# I'm sad...but I want to work on some other things aside from Transformers, even though I have two other TF fics I need to work on...I'll get to them! I promise!!

**I play wid fir3:** Awwww, I'm sorry you don't have it...#hugs# Here. Have a brownie instead.

**Garcia-316hellyeah:** Glad you liked the last chapter!

**FaeChild19:** Yeah, they style kind of stuck with me. We had just finished reading plays we had picked out for my theater design class, and after reading it a bajillion times to make sure I got everything right for my set design and costume design, I had the "script style" stuck in my brain. And don't worry, I'll tell you if anybody draws it!

**Fk306animelover:** Hmmmm, hw to reply, how to reply...I know! I'll do this! #pulls out Blitzwing's head# #makes him switch it to "Psycho Freak" side# #shows it to you# Now laugh#  
Blitzwing: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!...can I go now?  
Yes. Yes you can. #puts him away#

**Niteskye:** #imagines Bee singing# rotflmao. Oh that's great. That's great. Yeah, Megatron's Robert, Bee's Giselle, we'll replace Morgan with Frenzy and Rumble, Edward can be Optimus, Nancy is replaced by Starscream, Nathaniel is Soundwave, there are now two little helper dudes named Sunny and Sides, and Narissa can be Shockwave. Oh, that'd be great. Transformers/Enchanted FTW ALL THE WAY, BAYBEE!!


	11. The Birth Of Hope

It...it's almost over...after these words, then the story shall start and it shall be over...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! #sobs# I will miss it...

In OTHER news, I decided to be an idiot and, thinking I had already uploaded this chapter, deleted the original! Ain't I just flippin' BRILLIANT!? #sighs# Thus, this chapter was written entirely from what little I can remember, which makes me sad. Ah well. At least I have insomnia to help me write this, eh? But then again...maybe that's not a good thing...maybe I shouldn't have insomnia...it would help me to postpone this chapter...I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE OVER WITH ALREADY!!

**Disclaimer:** I own all of the incarnations of the Transformers franchise, including the crappy incarnations. Should any word I have just spoken be false, then may Shockwave obtain a giant entourage of females--  
_Shockwave:_ YES!!  
_EI: _--who are, unfortunately for him, all Mary-Sue's. #insane smile#  
_Shockwave:_ FEMME, I SHALL PERSONALLY SEE THAT YOU GET THROWN INTO THE PIT!! #Mary-Sue's scream out "SHOCKWAVE, WE'RE ALL SO PERFECT, WE LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU!!"# AFTER I'M DONE EVADING THESE DAMN MARY-SUE'S!!  
_EI: _#cackles like the maniac she is#  
**Pairing(s):** Ironhide/Bumblebee, mentions of a threesome, and a couple that just might make your brain asplode!!  
**Summary:** The sequal to chapter seven, in which Bumblebee has the sparkling, Ironhide is actually gentle, and Red Alert gets pwned by a wall.

**Notes:** This chapter is dedicated to a few people. First, it is dedicated to everyone who took the time to review. You guys have been so kind, and seeing as this is my first story on here, it really means a lot to me. Thank you all so much. Second, this chapter is dedicated to **Sami-SDGForce**, seeing as they were the one who wanted a chapter on how Bumblebee has the sparkling. Thanks for giving me an idea I probably would have never thought of!!

If anybody gets confused as to how exactly Bumblebee had the sparkling, don't worry. I'll clear everything up at the end.

* * *

By all accounts, it wasn't really that late. Usually, these kinds of things tend to happen very dramatically whenever one sees them on t.v. or in the movies. There, they usually happen during an outing in the city with your friends, or during an important mission where you can't get to your wife, or else very early in the morning when everyone is supposed to be asleep. Then again, these circumstances weren't normal by any means, and the main characters were definitely not normal by human standards.

It was about ten p.m. when Bumblebee first noticed something odd. The first thing he noticed was that the insides of his legs (both the directional insides and the internal workings) were wet, as though he had just lubricated himself. Shrugging it off as just the sparkling pressing against his lubrication chamber, as well as being too tired to care at the moment, he snuggled closer to Ironhide, wanting to get some more sleep. That much needed state of restfulness, however, was going to be denied to him. Not because of the lubrication, you see. In fact, it was something much worse than that.

A wave of energy ran through Bumblebee's swollen abdomen, alerting him that the sparkling wanted out, and was not going to be denied.

Wincing from the energy, Bumblebee sat up and began to shake Ironhide--gently, of course, but just enough to wake him up. "Ironhide," he called out, loud enough so the black mech could hear him, but not loud enough that the entire base could hear him. "Ironhide, wake up." Ironhide didn't answer; all he did was moan in his sleep. This made Bumblebee growl in annoyance. How dare his mate not pay attention to him in his time of need!? "Ironhide," he growled out, shaking him harder. "Wake up!!" With a particularly violent shake, the black mech woke up from his deep recharge, wildly looking around him.

"What, what is it, what's wrong, where're the Decepticons!?" Bumblebee sighed, keeping his hands on Ironhide's arm.

"Ironhide, there aren't any Decepticons around." Ironhide immediately stopped looking around, his gaze settling sleepily on Bumblebee. One brow ridge was raised. Bumblebee gave him a small smile before wincing from another energy wave. "'Hide, get Ratchet. The sparkling's ready to come."

There was a pause as neither of them did anything except for wincing on Bumblebee's part. There was another pause. And another. And then another. Then Ironhide made a bolt for Ratchet's quarters, yelling his name the whole time.

Bumblebee smiled, giggling a bit.

* * *

"RATCHET!! RAAAATTCCHEEETT!!" BANG BANG BANG BANG!! "RATCHET!! OPEN UP!!" The gravely voice that carried through the door made the medic sigh annoyance. And he had just found a comfortable position in his mate's arms, too... "RATCHET!!"

"Alright, alRIGHT!! I'm coming, you slag-headed idiot," he growled out, reluctantly removing himself from his mate's embrace. "Primus-damned idiot, probably want me to tell him that the pain in Bumblebee's abdomen is just the baby kicking, making sure he's not dying, stupid paranoia..." Ratchet was obviously over-tired, and Ironhide had obviously invoked his wrath. In the morning, Bumblebee would find that he was mated to various kitchen appliances.

Unlocking the door, Ratchet glared as best as he could at Ironhide, who stopped his fist just before it landed on Ratchet's face. Good thing he did, or else he wouldn't have even been able to apologize to the grumpy mech before said grumpy mech did something to him that only he or Wheeljack would be able to reverse.

"Ironhide," he began, his voice sleepy yet angry, "if you want to continue to have the form you have now, you will stop banging on my door, you will stop yelling, and you will calmly tell me what is wrong, or so help me, you will find out just how many of Earth's kitchen appliances I can make out of you, with the rest of you being made into a little RC Barbie car for Annabelle. Am. I. Clear?" Ratchet saw Ironhide's eyes widen and his head nod slowly, fearfully; he allowed himself an evil smirk, the very same one that made some question if he shouldn't have been with the Decepticons. "Now then...what seems to be the problem?"

Ironhide paused for a moment, still afraid of Ratchet, before gathering up enough couraget to speak. "Uh...our sparkling wants to come out," he said in a frightened voice. "Would you mind helping us with the birth, Ratchet?"

The speed at which Ratchet took off towards the Med Bay, yelling at him to "hurry your aft up and get back to your mate!" amazed Ironhide, since Ratchet wasn't really a speedy mech. The shock quickly wore off of him, though, and he hurried back to his quarters, the short, pained cries of Bumblebee reaching his audios.

On the bed, the mech that had previously held the medic sighed, rising to his feet. The one night in a long time that he had been able to pull Ratchet away from his tools just had to be the night Bumblebee gave birth, didn't it?

* * *

"RATCHET!! RAAAATTCCHEEETT!!" The sound of Ironhide yelling in fear rang through the halls of the base, and would have been unnoticed by two certain mechs had one of them not been paranoid enough to hear the noise.

"Ah, ah, S-S-S-Siiiiiidddesss," Red Alert moaned out, doing his best to keep enough composure that he could tell Sideswipe what had just begun to bother him. Said mech just grinned, giving some sensitive cables in the paranoid mech's neck a few more nibbles.

"Mmmmm, yeah Red?" He nibbled some more; a perfectly delicious moan escaped Red's mouth just then. "What is it? What do you want me to do?" Pulling back, Sideswipe looked at the face of one of his two mates, waiting for Red Alert to answer. He was a shy mech at times, he'd admit that, but that was what drew him to Red at first: the odd want to break him out of his shell.

Red Alert paused, letting himself cool down a bit before talking. "Ironhide...I think I heard him yelling for Ratchet..."

"Again?" Sideswipe snorted, though the grin never left his face. "He's probably just overreacting again to something that was happening with Bumblebee. It's probably--"

"GET TO YOUR QUARTERS AND TRY TO CALM HIM DOWN!! I'LL GET THE TOOL'S I'LL NEED!!"

Both mechs immediately sat at attention, looking towards the door. They were surprised to hear Ratchet sound so awake, seeing as he had spent so many sleepless night this past week in his lab, wishing that Wheeljack, his best friend, was in the lab with him. It was Red Alert, not surprisingly, that reacted first.

"Oh Primus, what are we going to do!? We're not equiped to handle a sparkling, the base isn't exactly sparkling-proof, and there's so many dangerous objects both on and around us...that little sparkling'll kill itself within its first wee of life!!"

"Now Red--"

"Sides, we've gotta move quickly!!" Standing up quickly, Red Alert basically shoved Sideswipe away from him and began pacing nervously around the room. "We, we, we've gotta cover up the corners, lock up the explosives, acids, dangerous tools that Ratchet has, make sure that an weapons that aren't on us are locked somewhere the sparkling can't get to the--"

"Red, really, we've got time--"

"I know!! We'll start with the weapons room!! There's not many weapons in there, but there's just enough that the sparkling could kill itself!!" Red Alert walked quickly towards the front of the room, turning to look at Sideswipe for a quick second. "Come on, I know exactly how to--" Whatever he was going to say was cut off when, as he turned his head forwards, he hit the wall head-on (no pun intended there), knocking him out out instantly. Sideswipe sighed as Red Alert hit the floor with a loud BANG, but gently picked him up and placed him on the berth.

"In the morning, Red. In the morning." With a gentle caress of Red's cheek and a peck on the lips, Sideswipe hurried off towards where he heard he might be needed--Ironhide and Bumblebee's quarters.

* * *

Inside their quarters, Ironhide had brought Bumblebee against his chest, one large hand holding one of Bumblebee's smaller ones, while the other hand gently caressed Bumblebee's middle. The yellow mech alternated between moaning and yelling, bt had surprisingly not struck out at Ironhide or yelled at him "This is all YOUR fault!" as many pregnant Cybertronian and Earth pregnancy accounts seemed to have in them.

"Don't worry, Bumblebee," Ironhide said softly in the yellow mech's audios, gently kissing the side of his head. "Ratchet'll be here soon, he'll make sure this'll all be overwith quickly, and I'll be here the whole time." Bumblebe nodded weakly, giving Ironhide a quick nuzzle before moaning and yelling again. Ironhide gave Bumblebee another kiss, before looking at the doorway with a worried expression. "C'mon, Ratchet...where are you?"

As if on cue, Ratchet appeared through the door, hurrying over to the pair. He knelt down the moment he reached the pair, putting his tools down in the places he needed them to be, before giving Bumblebee a once-over.

"Hmmmmm," he mused, gently running his fingers over Bumblebee's middle as he released gentle electronic pulses. The minute the pulses were released, the energy waves seemed to be less painful and the sparkling seemed to have calmed down a bit. "From what I can tell, the sparkling is in the correct position to come out, so there shouldn't be any complications. However, should--"

"We got here as soon as we could, Ratchet!" Ratchet turned his head, a little surprised that he saw his mate and Sideswipe at the door, but he frowned a little bit.

"What exactly are you two here for?"

"Uh, hehe, we're here incase you need help with anything, Ratchet! Why else would we be here?" said Sideswipe, a big grin on his face. The mech beside him nodded too, eager to placate his mate. Ratchet just sighed, motioning towards the wall.

"Just...go stand against the wall. I'll call you if I need you."

"Gotcha, Ratch!"

"Indeed." The two went and stood against the wall, ready to be called upon.

Once he was satisfied that they wouldn't try to interfere, Ratchet immediately focused himself on Bumblebee again. "As I was saying, should we wait much longer, there could possibly be complications. Ironhide, you need to be the rock that helps support Bumblebee during this birthing process. Bumblebee, I'll need you to open up your legs." Bumblebee obediently did so, wincing a bit when another wave of energy washed through him. "Good, perfect. Now then, I'll need you to take five deep intakes, and on the sixth, shut any valves that would let the air out and push for ten seconds..."

* * *

**SEEING AS I CAN'T REALLY WRITE BIRTH PROCESS SCENES, WERE DOING A TIME SKIP TO ELEVEN HOURS LATER**

* * *

"Alright Bumblebee, the sparkling's almost out. Just one more push, and you'll be done." The little yellow mech nodde his head wearily, "On the count of three. One...two...three!" Bumblebee immediately took as deep an intake as he could, sealed off his vents, and pushed as hard as he could. With that final push, the last of the little gray body of the newborn sparkling came out. Ratchet cently grabbed a hold of her, using a small machine capable of generating high amounts of heat to dry off the little mass of metal in his arms. While doing so, he smiled; the miracle of life was always a joy, no matter how many times you had seen it.

Once he was done, he quickly scanned the sparkling, so as to find out its gender. Looking up with a smile (which, in and of itself was a rare thing, unless said smile contained that little "Oh, just wait until I get back at you," feeling that two certain Twins often got) at a relieved Ironhide and a tired Bumblebee, he announced "Congratulations, you two. You're now the proud fathers of a healthy baby femme."

As though knowing that she was being talked about, the little femme began to click and beep, her little blue optics looking around the room for attention. Ratchet, his mate, and Sideswipe chuckled at this. "I think she wants to meet her fathers. Ironhide, would you do the honors of cutting the energon transfer cable?"

Wordlessly, Ironhide took the laser scalpul, turned it on, and cut the cable, allowing Ratchet to pull the rest of the cable out of Bumblebee, as well as the small sac of energon that the cable was connected to. Setting that aside to be properly disposed of later, he placed the clicking sparkling in Bumblebee's waiting arms. "There. Now the family looks complete." The medic then yawned, pinching the bridge of olfactory sensor. He now remembered exactly why he hated when he had to help out in the maternity ward: sure, the sparklings were a joy and quite possibly the cutest things in existance (two certain twins were excluded from this when he swore they grinned evily at him a few months after they were born), but the problem was the long amount of time it took to give birth.

Switching over to Ironhide and Bumblebee, the pair couldn't have possibly been happier. Sure, they were both extremely tired, Bee more than his black mate, but they were very, very happy. Bumblebee cradled the femme like she was a precious artifact, using one finger to stroke the side of her head. She seemed to like that, and let out a few hapy-sounding clicks. "Hello, little one," he cooed, nuzzling the side of her face gently, eliciting a few more happy clicks from her. "I guess I'd be your mother. THe man behind me is your father." Said father, smiling as wide as a proud father could, took a finger and ran it gently down the side of her face and down her neck, stopping at the hand the tiny fist that was raised up there; the femme instinctively grasped it.

"She's so tiny..." he mused, watching her yawn and close her optics, cuddling up to Bumblebee as she fell asleep. The whole time, he never grabbed his finger back from her.

"Yes, well, when you're done, I would suggest moving up to the berth for some sleep. Bumblebee would probably appreciate sleeping on something comfortable than on the floor he gave birth on," Ratchet interrupted, moving over to the two mechs on the wall, both of whom were nodding off. "Wake up, you two," he chided, gently shaking them both. "The delivery's over; it's time to go to sleep."

Ironhide and Bumblebee watched as the two mechs woke up, looked at Ratchet, then moved over to them; they laughed as Ratchet sighed. Bumblebee spoke first.

"Awww, she's so cute," Sideswipe said softly, a grin breaking out on his face. "She looks kinda like you, Bumblebee. Guess that's a good thing, since I don't think it'd be a good thing if she took after that ugly mug you seem to like to look at."

"Watch it, Sideswipe," Ironhide growled. Sideswipe and the other mech just laughed.

"I'm kidding, 'Hide. You know that."

Bumblebee laughed a bit. "Sides, would you, Sunny, and Red be okay with being her uncles?"

If anything, this made Sideswipe's grin widen. "I don't think there'd be a problem with that."

"That's good." Turning to the mech beside Sideswipe, he said "Optimus, I remember you and Ratchet being prominent figures in raising me. Would it be too much trouble if...if you two would be her Primus parents?"

The look that Bumblebee hit Optimus with made it just about impossible to deny his request (as if he would've in the first place). With a grin on his face, Optimus pulled Ratchet close and said "Bumblebee, we would be honored to be her Primus parents."

Still smiling, Ratchet nodded and leaned against Optimus, struggling to stay awake. "Indeed, we would. Now, everyone needs to get out and leave the happy family alone. Sideswipe, grab my tools and just put them on one of the tables in the medbay. I'll deal with them later."

As the three mechs departed, Ironhide and Bumblebee couldn't help to laugh a bit when Ratchet answered "Oh no we aren't. One set of twins in the base is enough; I will NOT give birth to another set of twins!" when Optimus asked him what he thought about trying for twins sometime in the future. The voices, however, faded, leaving the happy family alone with themselves.

"So, what should we call her?" Ironhide asked in a hushed voice, loath to wake up the sparkling.

Bumblebee gave her a good once-over, noticing some flecks of black on her armorless frame. "I don't know...what do you think about the name Nightshade?"

"It's perfect." Taking a free finger and gently stroking the little femme's face, he nuzzled Bumblebee before saying "Welcome to the world, Nightshade."

* * *

Aaaaaaand...DONE!! Oh wait, that's a bad thing...#sobs# Well, it's been a good run. This is probably the first mulit-chapter fic I ever finished, and I have to say, I'm quite proud of myself. This chapter wasn't as good s the original, but I did what I could.

A little summary to clear up the confusion: My idea is that Cybertronians can give birth like humans, but just a little bit differently. The spark of the sparkling will stay in the mother's spark chamber until enough metal plating has formed around her/his midriff, then it will travel down there, where the body will begin to form. The metal plating will be flexible enough to get bigger throughout the pregnancy, but tough enough that you can't break throug it without using a very sharp object of some sort. The rest is just like a female giving birth. If a mech was carrying the sparkling, his male bits would change into female bits so he could get the baby out. Yeah...it made sense in my head...

Oh Primus, I'm gonna miss this fic!! Crack pairings are love, and this fic is to me what Nightshade is to Bumblebee--my little baby!! #hugs fic...sort of...kind of...in a sense...#

If anybody's interested in taking up this story and making a multi-chapter fic about what life is like after Nightshade is born, feel free. Just a note: I imagined her as a sort of trouble maker when she got older, but was able to get out of anything/get her dad to do anything by just being sweet and a little daddy's girl.

I MISS YOU ALL ALREADY!!

**shadowchild880:** Yes, ffDOTnet needs moar Megafragger/Sam. It's t3h hawtness, yes?

**I play wid fir3: **Glad you liked the brownie. Yeah, the cutoff was intentional, since I thought "Hey, there's people that probably have a kinkier mind than me (if that's possible), so I'll let them have wild, kinky thoughts." Like right now, I'm currently have quite a few kinky Megafragger/Sam scenarios running through my head...

**Fk306 animelover:** That is probably the kinkiest thing I could ever think of. Oh, I wish Optimus was real...and that he was my sparkmate...Yeah, the Transformers are probably the only beings able to have sex on themselves. You confused yourself? It made sense to me...

**Niteskye:** Glad I was able to make you think very naughty thoughts. ("Now, you just gotta tink of some happy thoughts, and you can fly!" "Candy!" "Presents!" "Toys!" "Hot kinky Transformers yaoi DVDS!!" "..." "Er, uh...cake?") You're gonna write something? I can't wait to read it!

**Eerie Irie:** You're very welcome!

**Fae Child19:** Nah, I don't think his human lifespan will be a problem. I'll just use the "You live as long as the Cybertronian partner lives" little plot device that I've seen to make him live longer.

Once again, I miss you all already. Your reviews really meant a lot to me, and they were the things that kept me going. Should you want more, I have two more Transformers fics I'm working on (will be five chapters each), as well as a Kingdom Hearts parody of a Disney movie in the making. Thank you all so much for taking time out of your day to read this fic; I love you guys!! #hands out sweets to everybody# Also, since I'm now a Tranformers nut, I'll be changing my name to Autobunny. I now have a Live Journal up under the name **sporkimusprime**, so I'll try and use that for stuff concering fics and such. #hugs everybody#


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